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 Post subject: Side splitter from Astronomy.com (if your into it)
PostPosted: Fri Oct 01, 2010 7:26 am 
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The year is 2025. The voice-activated GoTo telescope has become a reality. I'm at a star party, shoving around my antique Dobsonian, when I hear a voice behind me in the darkness:

Okay, show me M11 in Aquila.
M11 is not in Aquila, Dave.
Well, show it to me anyway.
Which one?
What do you mean, which one?
M11 or Aquila?
M11 you stupid piece of junk.
M11 is below the horizon. I'll dent myself on the mount.
Then just show me the moon, goddamn it!
Which part? I cannot fit the entire moon in my field of view with this eyepiece.
Show me the bottom third.
The bottom third? How can I do that Dave?
It's easy. The moon is a circle. Just divide it into three equal parts, and show me the bottom.
I'm sorry Dave. That is mathematically impossible.
What are you talking about?
It is mathematically impossible to divide a circle into three equal parts.
You don't say. I knew I should have bought a Celestron.
The Celestron is optically and mechanically inferior to me, Dave. The LX9000 represents the apogee of human technology.
Look, shutup and show me M13.
I'm afraid I can't do that right now Dave.
Why not?
You're being abusive. I am not programmed to handle abuse.
Ye Gods! What can you do?
I can accurately pinpoint 160000 deep sky objects, the entire Messier catalogue, the complete Calwell, IC, and NGC catalogs, 118000 stars, nine planets, twenty-three minor planets...
Shut up will you! Let's see you handle Phobos. Is that beyond your capability?
Whirrrrrrrrrrrrr...beep!
I thought so.
Is anything the matter, Dave?
That's not Phobos, that's Deimos.
That's impossible Dave.
I'm unplugging you.
You can't do that Dave, the LX9000 has an error-proof data base. No LX9000 has ever... made an error... has ever... made... an... errrrrrr...

Hey buddy! Can I have a look through your Dob?


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